Holding The Space
by Katie Harding on February 3, 2025
Several years ago, a friend said to me after her husband’s loved one passed, “I wish there was something I could do to help.” Her comment and desire to help, while feeling totally helpless, remained with me long after the funeral was over. Then one night as I was praying for her and her husband, the Lord brought to mind some thoughts which I immediately wrote down and sent to her the next morning.
In light of the recent painful losses many friends have experienced, I would like to share the words I sent…
One of the most valuable ways you can help others in times like this is to be the one to hold the space for the grief or suffering of another. This means offering a place or the space for the grieving to express their feelings. It’s being a listening ear without trying to solve or fix anything and being a safe place to share truth.
Holding the space gives the grieving person a place to say things like, “This sucks,” or “I hate this.” A good answer in a time like this is, “I’m sure it does,” or “I’m sure you do.” When the one grieving or suffering says, “I feel like crying,” we can hold the space by inviting them to, “Go ahead and cry.”
Holding the space might be simply sitting close by and saying nothing. It’s being willing to come alongside the other and be present by just being where they are. It might also be looking out for the welfare of the other — knowing that with grieving, people’s energy levels have tanked, and they often need permission for self-care or to say, “No,” to requests.
Holding the space might include the understanding that getting through a workday can take all of one's energy and that planning an evening of just hanging out may be just what they need.
Holding the space is being aware that the first year is always the most difficult and recognizing there will be times when sadness might be triggered from a memory that sneaks up like a sudden wave hitting the beach. It’s being there to listen, comfort, and encourage. It’s being there to share the memory.
Holding the space is giving the time needed for grieving but also making sure they don’t become stuck and suggesting counseling or group support when needed.
Holding the space sounds simple, but it’s not always so easy to do, as many people want to rush the healing process, and the healing of the heart can often take so much time.
Holding the space is such a valuable way we can help one another, and when we help in this way, it is usually enough. Sometimes we are already doing this without realizing it. If so, know the way you are helping is huge and greatly beneficial.
This week, ask God to open your eyes to the grief of others and allow Him to show you where you can hold the space for your family members and friends.