Complaining vs Refraining
by Katie Harding on April 22, 2024
I recently encountered a challenging situation, and I realized I had two choices in that moment. I could either complain or refrain.
When something becomes challenging or uncomfortable, complaining can often be my first response, whether I speak the words out loud or keep them to myself. But even if I don’t share my thoughts with others and only repeat them to myself, I am still complaining. My frustration escalates and my patience wanes, as a negative soundtrack starts to consume my thoughts.
Refraining, on the other hand, is not internalizing our frustration, as indicated above. Instead, it’s stopping the impulse to complain altogether. Period. When we choose to refrain, we have the opportunity to retrain our thoughts to respond differently.
“When we choose to refrain, we have the opportunity to retrain our thoughts to respond differently.”
Choosing to refrain and not complain this time, I was able to quiet my emotions and listen for the Spirit’s guidance instead. Immediately, He brought to mind Paul’s words to the Philippians, “Rejoice in the Lord, always; again I will say, Rejoice” (Phil 4:4). In this verse, Paul isn’t instructing us to give thanks or rejoice in the Lord because of what is happening, but we are to rejoice in the Lord – in who He is – despite what is happening.
Choosing not to complain allowed me the opportunity to choose to proclaim. That’s what rejoicing in the Lord is all about. It’s proclaiming God is good. God is our heavenly Father who looks down on His children with love, grace, and mercy. It’s proclaiming God is forgiving. God is our sacrificial Savior who died for the sins of the world. It’s proclaiming God is faithful. God is the Spirit who remains with us, even on days when we draw away. In all of these things and more, we can rejoice. We can give thanks and be grateful.
When we rejoice in the Lord, we are making a conscious choice to change our focus, and changing our focus not only yields a change of attitude but also a change of action. It unfurrows our brow, lightens our step, and brightens our eyes as it allows us to approach the same situation with a change of heart. It’s as if our joy in the Lord creates a God-glorifying soundtrack that floods our soul with a fresh perspective.
Retraining is simple, but it’s never easy. It can be difficult to change our habits, especially our habit of complaining, because we’ve been doing it for so long. But the more we train, the stronger our response muscle becomes, making way for a new habit to form. May we begin to retrain this muscle today. Rejoice always!